Two Editors and a Comma: Dialogue Workshop

Betsy Thorpe and Carin Siegfried
"Two Editors and a Comma"

"Am I punctuating this correctly?"

"Do I use quotes or italics when I write internal dialogue?"

"How does point of view impact dialogue?"

These are just a few of the questions which Betsy Thorpe and Carin Siegfried answered in their recent writing workshop. 

Here are some of my takeaways:

• Italicize internal dialogue. 
• Match dialogue to the tone of the scene. 
• Practice writing dialogue to convey different meaning and/or circumstances between the speakers. 
• Don't lecture; avoid  "info dump".
• Weave dialogue together with narrative, the characters' actions, and their thoughts. 
• Make sure each character sounds different. Use different words, idioms, and expressions. Create a style guide for each main character.
• "Said" is the invisible tag. Use it!
• You can't "laugh" a sentence. In other words, it can't be: "What a silly child you are," she laughed.
• Dialogue tags in the middle of a sentence makes it choppy. Don't write: "Are you," she asked, "coming with us?"
• Use an em dash when the speaker is interrupted. 
• Action/description beats should vary within a story and be distinctive.
• Interior dialogue consists of nonverbal thoughts that a character wouldn't say out loud; self-analysis; or inner conflict. Interior dialogue is honest, reveals backstory, and shows a character's emotional state. It is best used when characters aren't saying what they truly mean.

I asked Carin to comment on a snippet of dialogue from my current draft. I wondered which of these two examples she liked better and why:

1. Kate must be looking for clues too! Lillie’s heart beat hard. She forced her voice to stay calm. “Wonder what she’s doing up there?” she asked Frank.

2. Kate must be looking for clues too! Lillie’s heart beat hard. “Wonder what she’s doing up there?” she asked Frank. Lillie tried to make her voice sound casual, almost as if she was barely interested.

Carin replied: 

I would go with option 2, although it really is a close call. I like “casual” instead of “calm” as it implies more. And I like have the description both before and after the line of dialogue, instead of just before. But it’s really your call, depending on exactly the tone you’re looking for. As with more things in writing, there is no right or wrong answer! 

Which goes to show that word choice is extremely important and that tone in dialogue and beats is something writers must practice, practice, practice!

How about you? Do you have any dialogue tips that we all need to hear?

No pun intended!