Tackling Tension, Horizontality, and Verticality

In this series about my online writing class, Plot and Structure, through the Center for Writing Excellence, I last posted definitions and examples of horizontality and verticality in What Happened to Goodbye. Our next assignment was to play around with creating tension in our own work. Here are some samples from Chapter 2 of Half-Truths.

In the lesson on tension, Bethany Nuckolls said, “Tension is simply a byproduct of pacing and manipulating time.  Conflict in a story can be heightened or diminished by how fast or slowly you narrate it.  Slowing a scene down and writing longer sentences builds tension… Speeding a scene up and writing shorter sentences gives the reader a sense of movement.  This is particularly effective in action scenes where the character is reacting instead of preparing to react.  This kind of tension is less suspenseful and more shocking.”

In this writing sample I created tension by using short sentences:

"Kate felt a tightness in her chest, like a band pulled taut so she could hardly breathe. No way was there enough space here for Eileen. Or for Speckles. Or for her. How could she ever feel like this was home?"

Bethany commented: “Choppy sounds great.  It's closer to the rhythm of her nervous heartbeat, or her thoughts jumping from one worry to the next.”

In this second sample, I created tension by using verticality (multiple events or times present in the same narrative moment). In this passage Kate jumps backward and forward again in her mind:

"Brave. She tried the idea on as if it was a new pair of riding boots. Took some breaking in, but would fit if she stomped around in the notion long enough. Kate kissed Eileen on the snout and squared her shoulders.  If she’d been brave enough to help birth Eileen in the middle of a hailstorm that threatened to flatten the whole county, she was brave enough to face Grandmother Dinsmore and all her rules and plans.  And hopefully brave enough to walk into Alexander Graham Junior High and make friends with a bunch of snobby, rich girls."

Bethany agreed that the hailstorm was an example of verticality.

In this third sample I created tension by using horizontality (narrative that moves chronologically):

 "Grandmother crossed her arms and scowled. Her eyes traveled from the wisps of hair that had escaped Kate’s braid all the way down to her mud-covered loafers."

Playing with sentence length helped me realize that I tend to write run-on sentences. Breaking them up added oomph and made the narrative more present to the reader.

Bethany summarized this to another student when she said: “There is no ONE rule to apply to all situations.  Rather, this is about realizing how sentence length can change the mood in a scene, and be willing to exploit that fact to your advantage.”  

Horizontal or Vertical: which appeals to you?

Discovering Tension in "What Happened to Goodbye"- Part II

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In my ongoing blog series about the writing class I'm taking through the Center for Writing Excellence, I learned two new ways to produce tension: Horizontality and Verticality. 

Horizontality, as Bethany Nuckolls instructed,  "refers to narrative that moves chronologically."

Verticality "happens when multiple events or times are present in the same narrative moment."

Our assignment was to find examples of tension in our reading novel.  McLean, the protagnoist in What Happened to Goodbye? is both drawn to her next-door neighbor, David, but also afraid of getting involved in any type of lasting relationship because she and her father always leave town. This passage comes immediately after a scene in which he is close enough to kiss her but doesn’t; the talk and action subsequently turns to basketball.   

Here is the passage I chose; my analysis follows.   

  He sat up, choosing to ignore this. “You know, you talk this tough game and everything. But I know the truth about you.”

     “And what’s that again?” I said, getting to my feet.

     “Secretly,” he said, “you want to play with me. In fact, you need to play with me. Because deep down, you love basketball as much as I do.”

     “Loved,” I said. “Past tense.”

      “Not true.” He walked around my deck, grabbing a broom there and using the handle to fish around beneath.” (Horizontality) “I saw how you squared up. There was love there.”

     “You saw love in my shot,” I said, clarifying.

     “Yeah.” He banged the broomstick again, and the ball came rolling out slowly, toward me. “I mean it’s not surprising, really. Once you love something, you always love it in some way. You have to. It’s, like, part of you for good.”

     I wondered what he meant by this, and in the next beat, found myself surprised by the image that suddenly popped into my head: me and my mom, on a windy beach in winter, searching for shells as the wave crashed in front of us. (Verticality) I picked up the ball and threw it to him.

     “You ready to play?” Dave asked, bouncing it.

     “I don’t know,” I said. “Are you going to cheat?”

      “It’s street ball!” he said, checking it to me. “Show me that love.”

       So cheesy, I thought. But as I felt it, solid against my hands, I did feel something. I wasn’t sure it was love. Maybe what remained of it, though, whatever that might be. “All right,” I said.
“Let’s play.” (p. 273)

  

I think this is the original cover; I like it best!

Analysis: Dessen probably used the verb “fishing” purposefully to describe David’s action of getting the ball out from under the deck. This fits in nicely with McLean’s flashback of her and her mother at the beach, searching for shells.  Horizontality is shown in his three chronological actions of retrieving the ball.

I think verticality is achieved when there is something about David’s words about love that trigger her memory of her mother. Although McLean is trying hard to distance herself from her mother, memories of pleasant and loving times keep popping up. Her mother, like it or not, “is with her for good,” as the rest of the novel attests to.

Tension is created because it takes McLean the entire page to decide if she will play basketball with David. Her slow deliberation over what he has said to her intensifies the conflict for the reader (who of course wants her to say “yes!”).

The chapter ends with a cliff-hanger letting the reader know that McLean is indeed, allowing herself to “play” and get involved with David.

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Now you try it. Has an author you have read included tension in her novel? How have you included it in your own work?