Aaron Moments: A Tribute to Friendship

Congratulations to Joyce Hostetter who won the autographed copy of "The Great Call of China" on last week's post. Trust me, her winning was independent of this post!

A Bible Lesson

The ancient Israelites had a problem. In a battle with their enemies the Amalekites, Moses and Aaron noticed that whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed. But his hands got heavy and when he let them down, Amalek prevailed. 

Exodus 17:12 says, "But Moses' hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron (his brother) and Hur (his companion) held up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun." 

Apparently this intervention worked because the next verse records how the Israelites were victorious. This is a superb example of two friends coming alongside a great leader and giving him the help he needed.

Since this blog deals more with writing than Biblical history, you might be wondering where I'm going with this post.  

Half-Truths and Aaron Moments

I'm close to the end of my fifth write-it-from-the-beginning draft of Half-Truths. Last week I was writing a scene in which Lillie really wants to be mad at Kate. But, according to my outline, this is Act IV when the two girls are now friends. Why would Lillie choose not to nurse her anger?

Light bulb moment. By remembering a time when Kate believed in her when other people didn't.

In my mind, I dubbed this previous incident in the story an "Aaron moment." A time when Lillie was ready to give up and give in. But Kate's encouragement kept her going--despite her fears and doubts. 

Meet my "Aaron's"

Like Moses and Lillie, I've had my moments when I was ready to quit. Thankfully, I've had three friends who have believed in me and helped me fight my panic and doubts. You've met these friends in blog posts, but here's a little more backstory about how each one has helped me with my story. 

In chronological order, here are my three "Aarons:"

April, 2016

Seventeen years ago, Fran Davis, the Regional Advisor for SCBW (there was no "I" back then) called me, and then called Linda Phillips. She had decided the two of us should co-chair the 1999 regional conference in Charlotte. We each agreed although there was one problem--we had never met. After much email correspondence, phone calls, and meetings, Linda and I pulled it off. 

In the process, we became critique partners, praying friends, and walking buddies. We continue to lift each other up when the other person is overwhelmed by doubts and fears. We give each other marketing advice, pep talks, and a different perspective on ourselves and our writing. Most of all, we're always there for each other as the voice of encouragement when the other person wants to abandon her work.  

In 2007, I met Joyce Hostetter at the Mid-South Reading and Writing Institute in Birmingham, Alabama. I went to her workshop on writing historical fiction and had her autograph a copy of BLUE. Thus started a friendship which led to us co-teaching writing workshops at NCCAT and publishing our online newsletter, Talking Story. 

In 2008 Joyce challenged me to stop talking about writing a novel and to plunge into NaNoWriMo. She encouraged me to spend a week at a Highlights Foundation Workshop for which I'll always be grateful. She's read and critiqued numerous synopsis and first pages. She's now (finally!) reading this draft and giving feedback on everything from sentence order to killing my darling similes. When I bewail how long it's taken to write my first novel she offers understanding but no excuses.  

2013

I attended the 2011 SCBWI-Carolinas conference with a revised first draft and great confidence that I was on my way to publication. Mary Kate Castellani,  my critiquer, changed all that.  She rocked my world and changed my novel by calmly suggesting that my book would reach a wider audience if I wrote it from both Kate's and Lillie's POV. 

My mind whirled as I walked through the revolving doors at the conference hotel. I had just finished writing the entire book from Kate's POV. How could I possibly write a story from a black girl's POV? How could I start all over again? (little did I know...)

The first person I saw on the other side of the door was Rebecca Petruck. 

She not only told me I could and should write Half-Truths from both POV's, she has helped me with the humongous task of plotting a book from two points of view. I've appreciated Rebecca's ability to see what Half-Truths was trying to be and to bring me back from the many bunny trails which my imagination led me on.

******

These friends have believed in me as a writer and in Half-Truths as a story. They have been my "Aarons" figuratively holding up my arms when my battles were rough. Thank you, Linda, Joyce, Rebecca, Kate, and Lillie. You each have showed me how powerful friendship can be. 

How about you? Who are your "Aarons"? 

A Mother's Gift

Mother's Day has never been a big event at our house. But as it came and went two weeks ago, I remembered that last year I gave my mother a little Mother's Day book. At the time, I suspected it would be one of my last Mother's Day gifts to her. I was right.

My mother has been gone for seven months and it has taken me this long to be able to share with all of you what I said at her graveside. This is in Margaret Federlin's honor-- as well as for all of you who nurture children and grandchildren.  Your gifts of time, inspiration, and encouragement are priceless.

Lori, Lydia, and Lisa Baldwin
with their Grandma Federlin
circa 2012

"Two weeks ago my mother and I started looking through old photo albums. We looked at more recent ones of my children, and also ones of her and my father in their earlier years. I found an half-empty album that had an envelope stashed in the back full  of pictures that my father had taken of her paintings. We decided to fill up the rest of the pages with these pictures. As we did, it struck me how much she painted (even until the week before she died she was still talking about the paintings that she was thinking about and planning), how many pictures she had given away, and how much people enjoyed her artwork.

Margaret's wall of bird pictures
circa 2010

"I asked her if she was disappointed that none of her children had inherited her artistic talents. She said no, she was confident that each of us was following our own interests and passions.

"I have thought often that one of my mother’s gifts to me was her saying to me when I was about 10 or 12, 'You have a way with words.' Her belief in me has continued unabated into my adult years even as I told her about my struggles writing my first novel. In some ways, she has been my biggest fan. I will miss her being in my corner, rooting for me and encouraging me to persevere. But I have her words, her voice, and her belief that I can do 'whatever I set my mind to' inside of me now, and I will never lose that.

"I was privileged to have had both my parents live nearby for the last years of their lives.  I think it was Charlotte’s warmer climate—compared to upstate, NY or Milwaukee that drew them here—but my life has been richer as a result. But for Tom and Barbara, I want to tell you that I can’t tell you how many times she said to me, 'I am blessed to have three wonderful kids.'

With my sister, Barbara and brother, Tom
June, 2014

"About a month ago she said, 'I have more than I anticipated. I didn’t think I’d live to be so old, have so many friends, be so happy and be satisfied.' She said she wanted to be remembered as a 'someone who loved her family, her children, and her life.'

Margaret with Lindsey Kasten and Leslie Clark
along with her first two great-grandchildren:
Caitlin and Ebby
Circa 2010

"Every inch of wall space in her room at the Stewart Health Center was covered with her paintings. 

 Family members and friends will treasure them for years to come. 

Raggedy Ann
Given to Lisa Baldwin, 1988

Given to Caitlin Kasten
2013

Lisa Baldwin

Circa 1990

Painted Circa 1990

Hung in Tom Federlin's room growing up

Given to him, 2013

"Her artwork is most certainly part of her legacy to us. But as her children, we also can treasure her other gift to us: a simple belief that we were important, special, and very much a part of the reason she was thankful to 'get out of bed' each day."

Chasing Your Dream--With a Little Help from Your Writing Buddies and Ice Cream

Ten minutes after Viviane Lwin, a member of my SCBWI writing group, sent out a picture book manuscript she sent a SOS email to several of us:

"I finally started submitting my picture book.  I'm so stressed!

"Do you get stressed when submitting stuff?  I guess now I just have to wait 6 weeks to 6 months for responses.... if they send any."

Two members of our critique group responded with honest and helpful answers. I thought their encouragement might help other writers who feel similar anxiety, so here is their advice:

First, from Carolyn Abiad: 

Having once lived in Turkey, Carolyn loves writing about eastern culture and myth. While her last name translates to “Snow White,” she has not yet written a memoir featuring an evil stepmother.

"Submission is a raw topic for me right now, but I understand exactly what you’re feeling. This horrible waiting period is when I go into deep cleaning mode to organize the only thing I can, which is my house. There is no other way I know to deal with the stress. You might have another method, but the idea is to keep busy.

"Your path might be different than mine because you write picture books, but I don’t think any of us are untouched by rejection. Some thoughts:

"I remember the response to my first queries - form replies, no responses at all. That lack of feedback was frustrating, but it was a nut I wanted to crack. I rewrote the query (multiple times) and kept at it. You’ll keep at it.

"The other day a friend of mine got her first partial request. She was jumping up and down, and I remembered my first partial. I’ve had other requests since, but that first one is special. Your first request will be special too.

"Rejections on full requests were (are) THE worst thing. I got comments like “this is better than x”, but never “I’ll call you”. I was tired of hearing “not right for us, but someone else might feel differently.”

"I put my manuscript in the drawer for a while, attended some workshops, threw myself into a different story. Then I rewrote the djinn manuscript and sent out five more queries. You’ll keep sending more queries.

"My first Revise & Resubmit request gave me some hope. I rewrote and sent out five more queries. I submitted to contests too. The manuscript made it into the second round of Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award 2013, but didn’t get to the quarter-finals. My manuscript didn’t earn me any scholarships, but I’m not sure commercial fiction ever does. (Still trying!)

"Right now I’m in the waiting game on my tenth full request.

The story has been revised or edited each of those ten times, and probably four more before I even submitted my first query. I barely recognize my first draft, but I keep it to remind myself of where I started because when the rejections come in… Let’s just say I understand Hemingway's demons.

"I haven’t even started to query the second story, and I still have no idea if the djinn story will ever go anywhere.

I do know two things:

1) I’m happy when I’m writing, even with painful rejection close at my heels.

2) If I want to share my stories, I have to keep trying.

"So. STAY CALM and QUERY ON!"

And from Dorothy Price:

Dorothy is a mompreneur, editor, former high school English teacher and aspiring children's author. One of her YA short stories won the June 2012 Mommy Authors short story contest. 

"You actually sent this at the perfect time. I've gotten two rejections in the past week, and one no response, which means, that one too, was a rejection. The fact that I'm getting personal repsonses though lets me know I have come a long way. 

"Like Carolyn, the fact that EVERY writer gets rejected is what keeps me going. I read about famous authors and people I admire in general to keep me sane because they all traveled down the same rejected road(s) as me. 

"Since I do have so many PB ideas/unfinished stories, I move on to the next one(s) while I wait to hear back about the one on submission. 

"It's rough and very, very stressful, but if we're doing everything we can do, that's all we can do!

"Oh yeah, and when all else fails...Cold Stone ice cream sure takes the stress away, too :-) 

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So, Viviane, what's the moral of the story? Use your critique group to hone your story, send out your best work possible, and then go eat ice cream!

By the way, Carolyn has an awesome giveaway going on her blog this week. Hurry over to win a copy of  the ARC of Corneila Funke's new book, Fearless.