When Mama Grows With Me: A Picturebook Review and Giveaway

 Some of you may remember me reviewing Rebecca Wheeler's first picture book When Daddy Shows Me the Sky. Fast forward two years and the companion book, When Mama Grows With Me, is about to be launched into the world. I'm also proud to announce that Rebecca is my new co-publisher of Talking Story! (Hint: If you don't win her book from this blog, if you are a newsletter subscriber you'll have another chance in our October issue.) 

When Mama Grows With Me is once again illustrated by the lovely Katherine Jordan. Now that I've gotten to know Rebecca better, I understand how this picture book is a beautiful marriage of Rebecca's love for gardening and yoga.

REVIEW

The book begins with a child getting ready to plant a garden with his mother. The theme is introduced in the second paragraph: "Sometimes it's hard to wait, but waiting teaches me to be patient and helps my mind grow. Our plants do so much work before flowers appear. If the plants are patient, I can be too!"

The boy plants the seeds in little pots. He imagines the seeds waking up when he sprinkles them with water. "I pretend to be a seed and stretch my arms like roots in the earth."

After two weeks, sprouts appear. As he waits, the little boy shapes his body into a blossom.

The mother and son do an airplane pose as they pretend to be birds looking for something to eat. He has to wait patiently while the plants grow, so he watches frogs jump out of the water pitcher, and of course, imitates them. 

In late spring the seedlings are finally ready to be transplanted into the garden. He and his mother shape themselves into trees to provide shade in the afternoon for the new plants. 

In the summer, after the flowers blossom, the little boy and his mother wait for the pollinators. "Parents can learn a lot from pollinators," Mama says. "The insects focus on one flower at a time, rather than trying to do lots of things at once."

"I sit in the grass and imagine that my legs are wings. First, I point my knees up to the sky like butterfly wings and then I stretch them open like a sleepy moth."

In the fall, "we hide bulbs in the earth for next spring's flowers..."

"Just because we can't see them, doesn't mean the plants aren't growing on the inside," Mama says. 

"Just like people," I say. "When we wait, we grow on the inside."

"That's right," Mama whispers. "Waiting is growing."

I smile because I know in all seasons, Mama grows with me.

                                                    ****

This child's voice in this informative and lyrical picture book makes it kid-friendly for early elementary students. I picture a classroom of kindergarteners learning about pollination and doing the butterfly pose on the floor of their classroom! In the back of the book, Rebecca's daughter demonstrates the yoga poses.

REMEMBER!

Pre-orders help authors. Rebecca's book debuts on September 19 so if you're interested in this title (think: Christmas is coming soon! Get a copy for your child's teacher or for your yoga instructor!). So go ahead and order it now. She'll appreciate that! 

VIDEO and PODCAST

Did I say that Rebecca loves flowers and yoga? Check out this video on how to save zinnia seeds!

Here's a recent interview that Rebecca did on Thriving Authors Podcast.

GIVEAWAY

To enter the giveaway, please leave a comment (with your email address if you are new to my blog) by September 14. If you prefer, you can email me to enter. U.S. postal addresses only. If you are an educator or librarian, you get two chances--just let me know in the comments.

Congratulations to Georgie Bartlett who won an Ebook of Elanor and the Song of the Bard and to Valinora Troy and Nathan Keys who won Ebook copies of The Conjurer's Curse from last week's blog. 

Conversations with Kathy: Summer Camp at Highlights Part II

"Great story, Carol! Honestly, I have very little to say except can I read more?? It sounds very polished, the writing is excellent, and I love the characters. It sounds from the synopsis that you have a very well thought out book and an interesting story. 

GREAT first line! Love it. You've gotten into the action right away, which is also great. We're swept away with the story from the very beginning."

Who wouldn't love to receive those comments on their first twenty pages? 

It took awhile for my heart to return to normal after I read Kathy Erskine's comments. And that was just the beginning of working with my amazing and award-winning summer camp mentor.  

When Kathy isn't writing, speaking
or mentoring, she is known to sniff flowers.
Fox Hill Farm

Since my first pages had been critiqued a lot, Kathy graciously agreed to read an additional 25 pages--and then she read several more chapters during the week. (Note: if you are considering attending a Highlights Foundation workshop, do it! The faculty bend over backwards to provide you with a quality learning experience.) 

We met for 30 minutes five times during the week to discuss my work. She got picky--which is exactly what I need as I enter this "tightening/heightening" stage. (term courtesy Joyce Hostetter--the master tweaker!)

Kathy's Comments

Here are a few of her comments on Half-Truths:

• Eliminate vague language. 

 Example: On the first day of school Lillie's principal references an incident from the previous year when the football team had gotten into trouble. Kathy recommended spelling this out and showing the difference between how the white and black students were treated afterwards. Here's the new version:

My brother Sam and some of the other football players almost started a fight while waiting to use Harding High’s football field. The Harding guys had called them names and made fun of their blue and white hand-me-down uniforms from Central High. We all hate that we don’t have our own colors.
      No one laid a hand on anyone but tempers got hot, and angry threats were thrown back and forth. The coaches stepped in just in time. I bet the white coach just slapped his boys on their backs and told them they'd take care of those colored boys another time. Our guys were suspended from playing the next two games. 

• Deepen a character's reaction to an event.

Example: The principal challenges the students to be a credit to their race. Kathy suggested Lillie might feel bothered by his subtle insinuation that blacks have to prove themselves. So I added the last two sentences to this paragraph:

I catch Mr. Grigsby’s drift because it’s been hammered into me since I was little. White people don’t expect Negroes to be smart or successful. It’s up to us to show them they’re wrong. If we do, we’ll be a credit to our race. Of course, it doesn’t matter if white folk think we’re not as good as them. The burden of proof is always on us. 


• Build tension and strengthen character motivation.


Example: Kate's goat, Eileen, has a suspicious skin disease. Lillie is in need of a science fair project and in my original manuscript, she sees Eileen and decides right away that finding a cure could be her project. In the new version, this realization develops over two chapters. Kate's act of kindness towards Lillie serves as Lillie's motivation:

Miss Anna Katherine put herself out for me. The least I can
 do is help figure out how to treat her goat. 
Then a thought crashes into my brain. Maybe I’ll use
 Eileen for my science experiment!  It’s not exactly what I 
thought I’d do, but since it's about disease and infection,
 I bet Mr. Levi will approve it.
(Note: This also strengthens the girls' connection to one another. Which is exactly what Rebecca Petruck advised me to do.)

More Suggestions

• Cut to the chase in each chapter. Have I said the same thing more than once in a scene? Am I explaining more than showing?
• Cut out backstory which removes reader from the story. Move forward.
• Put character or setting descriptions when the character first meets or enters the setting. 

Word Garden at the Barn
Highlights Foundation 

Kathy's Keynote

Kathy also delivered a keynote on "Making Your Writing Feel Authentic." Here are some of her points:

• Post a one-sentence description of your work on top of your computer to keep you focused
• Keep a talisman or picture--something which reminds you of your work--close at hand. (Pictures on Pinterest work. Here is my Half-Truths board, one on fashion in the 50's, one just of images of people, and one related to African Americans.
• You are not just writing about a person or a place. Experience that particular character in that particular place. Her novel, THE BADGER KNIGHT takes place in medieval England. Kathy visited castles, felt the trees, and imagined what her character might have seen, smelled or heard there. She even stepped in sheep poop and touched the standing stone
• Walk, talk, act, dress, and eat the same food your character eats. These details are shorthand about your character
• Use dialect with a light touch. Don't be distracting.
• Your climax should be unexpected, but not unbelievable. Set up well so that it is not trite and predictable. Knowing your character and portraying him or authentically will enable you to set this stage.
• And finally, a quote from Patti Gauch: “You know your ending is right when you’re crying at your keyboard.” 

One happy writer + one generous mentor=
a fantastic Summer Camp experience
Fox Hill Farm
Photo by Theresa Milstein

Stay tuned. In Part III of this series I'll share Jan Cheripko's insights into secondary characters and transitional scenes.

2016 Challenge: Focus!

Congratulations to Judy Penz Sheluk who won the second critique from Joan Edwards. Thank you to everyone who left comments.

***********

Raise your hand if you remember this commercial:


If so, then you may understand how I felt three weeks ago when my mentor, Rebecca Petruck, wrote: 

Omigosh, I'm really liking the look of this outline!

Mikey's brothers couldn't touch my excitement. 

Faithful readers of my blog may remember a post in September, 2014 when, after completing the third draft of my book, I announced I'd discovered the "clay"of my story. 

As it turned out, the clay I'd thrown on the potters wheel still needed trimming. 

In Rebecca's editorial letter about Draft #4 she identified twelve different threads I'd (oh so carefully!) woven together into Half-Truths. That did not count the threads I had in place for my two protagonists. (Do you sense a problem here?)

Rebecca wrote: 

Here is what Half-Truths wants to be:

1. A white and black girl become friends, despite social norms of 1950s Charlotte.
2. A white and black girl discover they are related, and the implications of that.

Consider: what moments show this. Every scene has to be related to this.

She also pointed out the multitude of locations and recommended thinking about my book as if was a play. Which sets would be created? She suggested just five. That was a whole lot more than were in this draft.

There were also too many injured animals and she suggested I choose one. Bird or goat? There was never a question in my mind which would win out. 

But the hardest part was when Rebecca and I skyped and I realized that the girl's love interests--which I'd spent a HUGE amount of time crafting and sweating over--pulled the reader away from the girls' friendship.

The boys got moved to the back seat.  

In November I spent several weeks writing a new outline. I drew closer to each girls' internal and external journeys and eliminated a bunch of settings. I patted myself on the back, sent it off to Rebecca, and started writing Draft #5.

As it turns out, my self-congratulations were premature. 

In mid-December (on my birthday no less!) I received these notes from Rebecca:

It can be difficult to tell from an outline, but this version seems to keep the girls separate for a lot of the novel. They have their own story lines and only sometimes interact with each other. I think what you want is for them to have a combined story line, with mini-B stories that reflect their shared story.

In very broad terms, this is the shape of a story about a friendship.

Act 1: Girls meet, forced to interact multiple times, not sure they like each other.

Act 2: Maybe we can be friends. Fun & Games is becoming friends for real.

Act 3: Being friends is harder than we thought for several reasons, including…holy cow, we’re related?!

Act 4: It’s discombobulating to know the truth, but not only are we friends, we’re family, and that’s worth any discomfort.

The only elements that get layered in are ones that reflect this journey in a different way.

......

During our last conversations, I felt you needed to do some serious pruning. Instead, elements have been added....I think it will be helpful to examine each chapter and each scene, and be super honest about how it affects the friendship. Some elements may work in different places, but go back to that first quick outline I noted about the shape of each act in relation to the girls being friends. I think we’ll need to do some shifting and rethinking.

I was crushed. I'd thought I was ready to write. In fact, I was five chapters into Draft #5!

For one night I let the pity party run its course. Then I went back to work. I thought about the basic four acts which Rebecca outlined. I pinched and pruned. I cut out another favorite location (Wing Haven gardens which I visited 20 years ago and was the genesis of this novel. I blogged about how it fit into my book here). I thought about how the girls could be together in almost every chapter. I skyped with my best writing buddy, Linda Phillips, and she offered a magnificent solution for a thorny plot problem. When I focused on how Lillie's and Kate's actions impacted each other--I finally discovered the essence of my story. 

Five days later, I sent Rebecca a new outline.

The next day she posted this on my Facebook page:

Just read your revised outline. *fires confetti canon* I'm so excited for HALF TRUTHS and proud of you and all the work you've done!!!

The pitch for Half-Truths has been the same for several years: In Charlotte, NC in 1950 two teens in Charlotte--one white and one black--become unlikely friends and discover an heirloom belonging to both  families. 

But the execution of that idea--has been far more complicated. I went far and wide and gathered a lot of ideas before I discovered the precious nugget which was right under my nose.  The girls' friendship is the heart of my story. 

Which reminds me of Professor Higgins's triumphant song in My Fair Lady:

(I dare you to not start singing "The Rain in Spain" now!)

Only two beta readers read Draft #4. Their probing feedback helped me confirm my decision to take the boys out of the book. Since then, they've read the first five chapters of Draft #5. One told me, "My biggest observation is that you're saying more with fewer words."

Which came from writing all those previous drafts.

Which led me to gaining more focus.

How about you? 

What are you focusing on in 2016?